What Does It Mean to Lament?

Lament is your physical, emotional, mental, and perhaps even spiritual reaction to grief. It means so much more than simply “putting pain into words.”

Lament is what happens when grief bursts out from the narrow confines of decorum; when you simply cannot contain the horror of your circumstance inside you. It manifests as throwing the arms about, almost trying to crawl out of one's skin to get away from the horror of facts that are invading the soul, heart, and psyche. It manifests in a scream - the eviction of horror from the self. It manifests in hitting the self or self-flagellation, an act of mortification and self-blame... which can be extremely dangerous, because the ultimate expression of this type of guilt could result in suicide, a horrible sin from a Christian point of view.

When grief twists into self-blame and into anger directed at yourself, you might feel a compulsion to punish yourself (as if suffering more might somehow make sense of what has already happened). That path is dangerous. When grief fuses with guilt, the mind can suggest that you are the problem… and that suicide - a cardinal sin in Christianity! - would somehow resolve it. That is the Enemy whispering his wickedness into your ear. It is not the truth, but in moments of despair, it can feel like it is. If you recognise even a hint of that direction in yourself, stop and speak to someone immediately. Not a message. Not something you can delay. Seek out a real human's voice. Go to the Crisis page and use one of the numbers there. Do not sit alone with that kind of thought. And may God bless and comfort you in your darkest hour. Amen.

At its core, a lament is an effort to expel an unbearable reality from within you.

Important: Lamenting vs Mourning

There's a specific form of mourning that is not lamenting - silence, or silent sorrowing. This is more insidious than lamenting because the mourner internalises their pain but doesn't necessarily engage with it, sometimes allowing it to fester. Those who mourn this way should seek Christian fellowship; if at all possible, in person, but if not, then reach out to one of the many FREE telephone services that you can find on this website.