No Magic Bullets

There are no magic bullets. No quick fixes for grief, no secret formulas that banish anxiety. If only there were, I'd buy them in bulk.

The truth is, even though I practise what I preach, I still struggle. I still find myself anxious, disappointed, and occasionally cross with God for not handing me everything I want on a silver platter, right here, right now. As the song says, I want it all – and I want it now!

Lately, I've been asking myself whether I love God for what He can do for me, or if I love Him for Himself. Would it shock you to learn that my answer is… complicated? It's the kind of question that undresses you in front of your own soul.

There are things I simply don't understand. What, for instance, are flies for? They're infuriating. Why must mosquito bites itch? I could tolerate the occasional sip of my blood (I wouldn't even miss it), but the itching afterwards? Why, Lord? Why??

And yet, there are moments when God's gentle smile breaks through. The quiet peace that comes when I sit in silence and practise gratitude is real, and to me His smile remains genuine but inscrutable.

At times, I see myself acting like a child throwing a strop because I can't have my way. But those are honest feelings, and even if I feel guilty for having them, I can't be dishonest before Him and claim they're not.

So I pray to God to remember me kindly despite all my human foibles, and for Him to lend me grace to endure what I must. And then, I look to a small thing to put a smile on my face. And today, I find that small thing is this article, which in its own way has brought my complaint to the Lord. I've surrendered it to Him, and now I feel lighter and strengthened.

My advice, dear reader? Look to the small things as a shield against doubt, anxiety, or even despair. And abandon the search for invincible magic bullets because, unfortunately, they don't exist.

"How long, Lord? Will you forget me for ever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?"
— Psalm 13:1-2 (NIV)